Joe and Bob are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
Joe says, “Let’s play a game. I will ask you a question. If you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.”
Joe asks the first question: What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?
Bob doesn’t say a word, reaches his pocket and pulls out a $5.
Now, it’s Bob’s turn. He asks Joe, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs?”
Joe searches the net and asks all his smart friends. After an hour, he gives Bob $500.
Joe goes nuts and asks, “Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”
Bob reaches into his pocket and gives Joe $5.
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An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles.
The weather in New York was too bad to allow his usual on-time departure.
The weather in New York finally cleared, and the pilot requested his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York.
Sometime later, he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles. Halfway across the country, he was told to turn due South. Knowing that this turn would now throw him further behind schedule, he inquired, quite agitated, of the controller for the reason for the turn off course. The controller replied that the turn was for noise abatement.
The pilot was infuriated and said to the controller, “Look, buddy, I am already way behind schedule with all the delays you guys have given me today. I really don’t see how I could be causing a noise problem for pedestrians when I am over 6 miles above the earth!”
The controller answered in a calm voice, “Apparently, Captain, you have never heard two 747’s collide!”
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I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity.
On our first day of training, the instructor made an important point about preparing for landing at 300 feet.
“How do you know when you’re at 300 feet?” asked one woman.
“A good question,” replied the instructor. “At 300 feet you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
The woman thought about this for a while before saying, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
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A woman from Michigan and another from the East coast were seated side-by-side on an airplane.
The woman from Michigan, being friendly and all, said, “So, where are you from?”
The East coast woman said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.”
The woman from Michigan sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, “So, where are you from, you silly bitch?”