Jay had always ordered a beverage by simply saying, “A Coke, please.”
However, recently waitresses had been responding, “I’m sorry, we don’t have Coke. We have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Thums Up, Dew, Sprite, Fanta… ”
Tired of listening to the long list of soft drinks, Jay decided to make life easier. So one day, he simply asked the snack bar clerk at a movie theater for a “Dark, Carbonated beverage.”
The young man behind the counter looked up and said, “Sir, would you like a cylindrical plastic sucking device with that?”
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As a restaurant owner, I hired a pianist and a harpist to entertain my customers.
After several performances, I discovered that the pianist had walked away with some of my valuables. I notified the police, who arrested her.
Desperate for another pianist, I called a friend who knew some musicians.
“What happened to the pianist you had?” he asked me.
“I had her arrested,” I replied. We said goodbye and hung up.
A few minutes later, my friend called back and asked, “How badly did she play?”
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Paddy & Jimmy were walking along a street in London.
Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
The sign read, “Suits Pound 5.00 each, Shirts Pound 2.00 each, Trousers Pound 2.50 per pair”.
Paddy said to his pal, “Look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of these, and when we get back to Scotland, we could make a fortune. Now, when we go in, you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accents, they might think we are cheap Scotsmen and try to screw us. I’ll put on my best London accent.”
“OK, Paddy, I’ll keep my mouth shut,” said Jimmy.
They go in, and Paddy said in a posh voice, “Hello, my good man. I’ll take 50 suits at Pound 5.00 each, 100 shirts at Pound 2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at Pound 2.50 each. I’ll back up my truck, ready to load them on, old chap!”
The owner of the shop said quietly, “You’re from Scotland, aren’t you?”
“Well, yes,” said a surprised Paddy. “What gave it away?”
The owner replied, “This is a dry cleaners……..”